


Of Course I Want You

by Fodforever



Series: What If's for 1796 Broadway... (go read it!) [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Inspired by 1796 Broadway, M/M, They go to Hawaii!, What if?, alternating povs, everyone's conflicted, steve/other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 12:57:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fodforever/pseuds/Fodforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic and others to follow is an off-shoot of the AMAZING epistolary fic “1796 Broadway,” where ‘Captain America respectfully requests that all complaints be addressed to him in writing.’ I really admire what the authors are doing, and the slow build they are creating is so so lovely… that said, my brain won’t shut up after each post with “what now???” so this is an answer to that. </p><p>I highly recommend you read “1796 Broadway,” even if epistolary isn’t something you usually go for (and also it will make what I write make much more sense, haha)! This part is set post Chapter 110: Time away from the world, where Tony and Steve actually go to Hawaii and talk about their feeeeeeeeelings.</p><p>Also, Tony sits in Steve's lap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a Vacation

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [1796 Broadway](https://archiveofourown.org/works/972937) by [rainproof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainproof/pseuds/rainproof), [teaberryblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaberryblue/pseuds/teaberryblue). 



> This part is set post Chapter 110: Time away from the world, from “1796 Broadway.” Tony and Steve have just reunited in Japan, where Tony is still recovering from a post-Pepper-break-up-binge/car accident. Tony has asked Steve to go to Hawaii with him for some R & R and hula girl fun (*cough*). Steve has a girlfriend he has not told Tony about.
> 
> This “What if” follows them to Hawaii and does not follow cannon for “1796 Broadway” where they confess their feelings and then are called back before they can go/cuddle. I repeat, in this fic they have not told each other how they feel, and Steve and Tony are still dancing around their feelings. Cap feels Tony isn’t in the right place to hear it, and Tony thinks there isn’t a chance in hell Steve returns his feelings. 
> 
> Seriously though, if you haven’t read 1796 Broadway, go! And ‘choose your own adventure’ over this way at chapter 110 if you want!
> 
> Also! I believe all we know at this point in “1796 Broadway” is that Becky has slept over, so I am taking that and creating my own headcannon where that doesn't mean full on sex… because reasons. No disrespect meant to the original story, or purposeful misreading meant.
> 
> POV in this fic will alternate between Steve and Tony, with a horizontal line indicating the switch.

 

Steve knows this should be the breaking point. Going to Hawaii with Tony is pretty much crossing a line. Hawaii is romantic, and they’ve spent so much time skirting the issue already.

But as always with Tony it’s confusing.

That bit about the hula girls. Maybe he really does want to go relax and take in a good time with some random dame. Steve could be completely off base. He has been before.

He really needs to clear this up with Tony, he knows. And he can’t keep not bringing up Becky because it might make Tony feel bad because of Pepper, or because he’s hurt… or because he wants to spend time in Hawaii with Steve.

So, a plan. Steve is good with plans.

They’ll go to Hawaii, away from Japan and all the negativity Tony has managed to amass here. And once they are relaxed on the beach, Steve will have a straight talk with Tony and tell him everything.

Everything. Becky. How confused he has been by Tony’s, well, flirting. How confused he is by his own flirting…

Good. The Star Spangled Man has a Plan, as they used to say.

 

Right. 

* * *

 

 

Steve helps him pack for Hawaii (though he notices he leaves his silk boxers in the drawer for Tony to pack himself). He’s still sore, but the thought of a few days in paradise with Steve is making things a lot better.

At first he thought Steve might refuse. He’s been fluctuating back and forth between team-leader-Steve and friend-Steve enough to make Tony’s head spin. And it’s already spinning. Honestly, he half expected Steve to cart him back to SHEILD HQ and have them give him a psych exam, and then wish him the best of luck and leave.

It’s what he deserves, he knows. He really meant what he wrote to Steve: he is thankful for his friendship. No matter how many times he treats Steve like crap, he still comes back, all full of respect and warmth and…

God, he is so in love with him.

He pushes it down. He’s been pushing it down since well before the end with Pepper. Right now Steve is the only person he has that he even remotely wants to be around. Tony isn’t going to mess that up by pursuing something that is so far from possible that even _he_ doesn’t think it’s possible.

He built an arc reactor in a cave in the middle of the desert. He flew a nuke into a hole in the universe. But Captain America is an impossibility, and he knows it.

This is just a vacation.

Right.


	2. No Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic and others to follow is an off-shoot of the AMAZING epistolary fic “1796 Broadway,” where ‘Captain America respectfully requests that all complaints be addressed to him in writing.’ I really admire what the authors are doing, and the slow build they are creating is so so lovely… that said, my brain won’t shut up after each post with “what now???” so this is an answer to that. 
> 
> Each individual piece I write will have the explanation above, and a summary of what entry from “1796 Broadway” it is based on in the Notes section. I highly recommend you read “1796 Broadway,” even if epistolary isn’t something you usually go for (and also it will make what I write make much more sense, haha)!
> 
> This part is set post Chapter 110: Time away from the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is set post Chapter 110: Time away from the world, from “1796 Broadway.” Tony and Steve have just reunited in Japan, where Tony is still recovering from a post-Pepper-break-up-binge/car accident. Tony has asked Steve to go to Hawaii with him for some R & R and hula girl fun (*cough*). Steve has a girlfriend he has not told Tony about.
> 
> Below you’ll find a “What if” that follows them to Hawaii and does not follow cannon for “1796 Broadway” where they confess their feelings and then are called back before they can go/cuddle. I repeat, in this fic they have not told each other how they feel, and Steve and Tony are still dancing around their feelings. Cap feels Tony isn’t in the right place to hear it, and Tony thinks there isn’t a chance in hell Steve returns his feelings. 
> 
> Seriously though, if you haven’t read 1796 Broadway, go! And ‘choose your own adventure’ over this way at chapter 110 if you want!
> 
> Also! I believe all we know at this point in “1796 Broadway” is that Becky has slept over, so I am taking that and creating my own headcannon where that doesn’t mean full on sex… because reasons. No disrespect meant to the original story, or purposeful misreading meant.

The flight to Hawaii takes eight hours, and Tony sleeps the whole way there. Steve can’t help but smile to himself as he looks at Tony across the aisle, snuggling further in to the fancy blanket that is wrapped around him. Tony’s private jet isn’t quite as nice as the five-star hotel they’ve been staying in, but that doesn’t seem to matter because Tony is finally getting some solid sleep.

The nerves he has about finally talking to Tony are building, but he can’t regret his decision to do it in Hawaii. Japan was a toxic place for Tony; hopefully Hawaii will be a place he can really start to recover (both from the accident and the pain of his split with Ms. Potts).

Steve shakes Tony’s shoulder a few minutes before landing; he doesn’t want the jostling of the plane hitting the tarmac to be what rips Tony from his peaceful slumber.

Tony yawns and rubs drool from his beard and smiles as he stretches. His t-shirt rides up just a bit as his sweatpants ride down, and Steve catches a glimpse of the shape of the muscles in Tony’s torso that run down diagonally, forming a “V” shape toward Tony’s…

 

They need to talk.

 

 

* * *

 

It’s not that Tony doesn’t know that Steve has never been to Hawaii before. It’s just… Steve is looking at everything like it might as well be Jurassic Park or something. It’s adorable. He feels a pang of regret for being the reason Steve didn’t get to see Japan other than the hotel and hospital.

He’ll make it up to him. Tony has a private three-bedroom bungalow on a private beach on Oahu, which is where they are headed now (he also has a place in Maui, but there are always people on the beach there from the surrounding resorts).

Steve is talking with their driver about learning to surf, and Tony is finally starting to feel like he can relax. Well, he actually started to feel that way on the plane, but then, he slept for eight hours.

Tony can’t remember the last time he got eight hours of sleep.

As they pull up to the gate that marks the start of the private road only accessible by Vibranium-level Stark-card clearance, Steve’s eyes widen. Maybe he thought they were going to some five-star hotel like they were in Japan? Well, why have access to one of the most beautiful, modern, exclusive (Pepper is the only other Vibranium-level Stark-card holder) beach bungalows in the world if you can’t use it?

He should probably have a Vibranium-level Stark-card made for Steve so he can come back here whenever he wants.

As they finally pull up to the main house Tony slips the driver a few hundreds and says they don’t need help with the bags. There are only five, and even though the car service is top of the line, he doesn’t want a stranger going inside.

And if he always used to have his bags brought inside before Afghanistan and Obi, so what? It doesn’t hurt to do a little moderate lifting.

 

Except that he was just in a car accident so it actually does hurt, and Steve ends up taking all five bags (four of them Tony’s).

 

 

* * *

 

Steve spends the entire car ride with his face pressed up against the window. He was too worried about Tony to notice much of Japan, but Hawaii as far as he can tell is the most beautiful place on Earth (though for his money Brooklyn in the spring is probably a close second).

There is of course, a niggling thought at the back of his mind that never quite goes away, no matter how beautiful the bird of paradise are, or how fun surfing looks.

His blush doesn’t quite fade either, and he knows that as soon as they arrive and get settled he needs to clear the air. While Tony was gone, it was easy enough to relax and be with Becky and not feel as… confused. He likes Becky so much. Being with her is so easy, and he can’t help but feel that she is what he needs; what’s best for him.

She’s been incredible. She actually understands the whole “man out of time” thing, but doesn’t focus on it. She also understood when he said that they should take things slow. That he wasn’t… well he basically confessed to only ever having kissed one girl before, and that it wasn’t much. He really has no idea how to be in a relationship, and she’s made him feel like that’s okay.

And they have been taking things slow, especially with the physical stuff, which Steve feels so completely out of his depth with. But it’s been harder and harder to go slow the more they do, and Steve is finally starting to understand how all those girls would just fall into bed with Bucky. It gets… easy.

He’s thought about going all the way with Becky, and when she stayed over before he left he was almost to the point of telling her they should… but everything with Tony was happening, and honestly he was feeling unsure before that because, well because he doesn’t want to have sex with someone he isn’t fully committed to. He doesn’t want it to be an easy decision he just falls into.

If he makes love to Becky, that’s what it will be… and right now he just can’t be certain that’s really where his heart is at. Once he talks with Tony, he’ll at least know where they stand, and whether he can see himself taking that step.

It’s not fair of him to take that step if he isn’t sure, no matter how much Becky assures them they are taking things slow and “keeping it casual.”

The car pulls up and Steve gets the bags as Tony pays the driver. The house is insane. Steve can’t think about what a place like this must cost. It took him a while to get used to the tower, and he isn’t really even comfortable with that yet. Tony probably has places like this all over the world… it makes Steve feel like there is an even bigger gulf between them, thinking about his childhood and then later the tiny apartment he could barely afford. Even if Becky was out of the picture, and even if Tony’s flirting has been due to romantic feelings… how could a relationship between them even work? Could Tony even see anything past Pepper right now, if ever?

He puts Tony’s bags in the biggest room on the second floor with the deck overlooking the beach and places his one duffle bag in a room down the hall (which also has a view of the beach, but no deck). After he’s put his clothes away he heads for Tony’s room and knocks on the door.

Tony answers and before Steve can register more than that Tony isn’t wearing a shirt, the room is empty and Tony has run out onto the deck yelling “last one to the beach is a rotten econosolv!”

Steve watches as Tony make his way down the outdoor staircase to the beach, registering as he goes that Tony is wearing swim shorts and has a beach towel in hand.

 

He sighs and goes to get into the swimsuit he saw in the top drawer earlier with the little card on top marked “Guest” (there was also a lady’s bikini).

The beach is as good a place as any.

 

* * *

Tony wastes no time when he gets to his room. There are always swimsuits in the dressers of all the bedrooms in all of his properties (even the one in Switzerland, hello, hot tubs?). If Steve wants to have a heart to heart, or give a lecture, or both (which, of course he does. Tony knows he’s only avoided it this long because he’s been in a pretty decent amount of pain), he can do it on the beach.

As he gets undressed and puts on a swimsuit he thinks about wearing a sleeveless shirts too to cover the scars left behind after the removal of the arc reactor. Anywhere else he would. But it’s Steve… it’s just Steve, and Tony doesn’t feel like hiding… maybe for the first time in a while.

So okay, no shirt. Steve knocks and before he can second guess any more he’s opening the door and taunting Steve to catch him like a little kid, running out on the deck and down to the beach.

The house and deck cast a decent amount of shade, and then there’s about twenty yards of bright white sand beach out to the ocean. All the umbrellas, paddle boards, surf boards, snorkeling gear etc. are in containers under the deck, along with a massive hot tub (hot tubs, fun in warm and cool weather!). Maybe if he gets a couple surf boards set up before Steve gets here he can distract him from the serious “Tony you need to be more responsible” talk he sees coming. He takes out a pair of flip-flops from bin marked “clothing” and begins dragging a huge umbrella out toward the water. He only gets about fifteen feet before he decides this is the best spot to set up camp. The heat of the sunbaked sand is bleeding through his designer flip-flips (also, right, car accident… dragging beach umbrellas more painful than carrying luggage).

He is about to set up his towel when he sees Steve emerge onto the deck and take the stairs down to the beach. He’s smiling but it looks kind of strained as he hurries out on to the beach towards Tony’s location.

Right, so no distractions then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noticed that I put in that Tony has the arc reactor, but that 1796 Broadway is set post Iron Man 3. Now fixed!


	3. Someone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic and others to follow is an off-shoot of the AMAZING epistolary fic “1796 Broadway,” where ‘Captain America respectfully requests that all complaints be addressed to him in writing.’ I really admire what the authors are doing, and the slow build they are creating is so so lovely… that said, my brain won’t shut up after each post with “what now???” so this is an answer to that. 
> 
> As with the other chapters, this part is set post Chapter 110: Time away from the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set post Chapter 110: Time away from the world, from “1796 Broadway.” 
> 
> Tony and Steve reunited in Japan, where Tony is still recovering from a post-Pepper-break-up-binge/car accident. Tony has asked Steve to go to Hawaii with him for some R & R and hula girl fun (*cough*). Steve has a girlfriend he has not told Tony about.
> 
> Below continues a “What if” that follows them to Hawaii and does not follow cannon for “1796 Broadway” where they confess their feelings via letter... here they do it face to face. How will that change things? Dun dun dunnnnn.

“Tony, look we need to talk” Steve says as he reaches Tony, who is now standing resigned next to the un-opened umbrella and his abandoned towel.

“I know… just, can’t it wait? I know what you’re going to say and I…”

“I don’t think you do, and can we, can we go back inside?” Steve looks shyly down at his feet. That’s weird…

Tony looks down and sees that Steve is wearing what must be the navy swimsuit from the guest room’s dresser (which, dear god, is more like a pair of navy, water-resistant boxer briefs they are so tight!). He takes a moment to ogle and smirk because of course his guests’ swimsuits would need to be more revealing than his own traditionally cut red trunks, before getting to Steve’s feet, and seeing…

“You’re barefoot! Jesus Steve, this sand is too hot – what” and grabbing Steve’s hand to tug him back toward the shade of the house. “What are you doing? You want blisters your first day in Hawaii?!”

Tony continues to frantically rant while pushing Steve back toward the house. Steve figures if Tony were physically able he would be carrying him bridal style at this point to keep him off the hot sand. Steve blushes. And yeah, now that he thinks about it, the sand is pretty hot… he just had more important things on his mind.

“Tony, just stop, we’re in the shade now, okay? Stop pushing!” Steve is practically yelling now because Tony will not get out of his personal space, and is now tugging at his left foot to try and see if it is burned.

Tony manages to get one foot up, and before Steve can stop him he is pulling it towards himself causing Steve to fall forward onto the cool sand in the shadow of the house.

Steve’s blush deepens and spreads as he finds himself prone on his stomach on the sand, wearing only what is essentially an undergarment (why are Tony’s swim trunks more like shorts?!), while Tony kneels on his knees behind him holding Steve’s left foot up to inspect it.

He takes a closer look at Steve’s foot and sees that it is indeed very pink and tender looking. “What were you thinking? Couldn’t you feel that it was hot?”  Tony is suddenly so angry, so angry that once again something that was supposed to be good, something that was supposed to make things better has backfired and it’s his fault. Again.

He can’t even show Steve a nice day on the beach. His hands start to shake. He can’t make anything work.

Jesus, he needs a drink.

Steve slowly turns over and takes in Tony’s strained expression and shaking hands. He does his best to calm his voice. “Tony. Tony, it’s okay. I’m fine… my feet feel fine; they’re already healing.” He lifts up his foot again from where Tony dropped it and Tony slowly examines it. It’s already half as pink as it was before, and getting lighter by the second.

Steve puts his foot down, causing his legs to make a “V,” with Tony kneeling between them at his feet.

Tony runs his hands through his hair, sits back onto his heels and takes a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I freaked out there… I just, I thought you were hurt, and I couldn’t deal with it for a second.” He huffs a laugh and keeps talking “Fuck, I guess I really have lost it, huh? I can’t even keep it together when Captain America gets a little sand burn.”

He’s got his fake smile on, trying to deflect. Feeling awkward and embarrassed.

Steve can’t stand it. He can’t stand any more of this. Side-stepping everything with a smile. He sits up and folds his legs in front of him, scooting so about two feet remains between them on the sand.

“Tony. I understand how much you are going through right now. Or, if I don’t understand I’m trying to. I don’t think you’ve lost it. I think you are holding on in a really terrible situation, and I want to be here for you… Tony, it’s okay that you were worried about me. How do you think I felt when I heard you’d gotten into a car accident overseas? I was… god can we please talk about this?” Steve takes a deep breath, and forges ahead.

“I know now isn’t a good time, and I’m not asking for you to be ready to deal with it, but I have to ask… Why did you invite me here? Did you want to go to Hawaii with me because you want to relax and see hula girls, or because you _want me_?”

Tony pales and looks at Steve slack-jawed and suddenly Steve feels like a fool. Of course Tony isn’t interested in him! Of course he –

“I’m… shit I’m sorry Cap, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable” Tony slides another foot away on the sand as he speaks. Wait, what?

“If I knew you thought I was… look, really, I know you don’t think of me that way and that it’s never going to happen. I’ve always known where we stand, this wasn’t about that… please don’t feel weird about this, shit.”

What is Tony… He has to make this clear, he has to say the right thing, even if he has no idea what that is. Steve wishes he had time to think; he wishes he could go up to his room and have time to write his thoughts in a letter. “No, wait, I don’t think I was clear. Tony, I don’t feel weird. I’m – I’m just trying to ask you how you feel about me.”

“How do I _feel about you_?” Tony’s voice pitches up and suddenly he looks even more wrecked than when he thought Steve’s feet were burned. “Steve – look, I just… I don’t care about hula girls.” He looks up to the sky and shakes his head slightly like he does when he’s about to do something reckless, then looks Steve in the eye and says:

“Of course I want you! How could I not want you Steve?!” He huffs a breath and continues, “You’re this island of solid fucking rock in the middle of a rushing river and everything just seems to slide past you – I don’t know how you do it; I never can. You’re the best thing in my life right now, maybe ever, and you’re so beautiful it hurts. Of course I _want_ you.”

Steve can’t think. He wanted this; he wanted to know how Tony felt. And now he does and he is totally unprepared for it. He wants to interrupt Tony and tell him that he can’t seem to let things slide when it comes to him. He can’t focus; he _can’t_ do the right thing when all he wants is to pin Tony down into the sand and…

And Tony is still apologizing, and still trying to explain how this won’t ruin things and Steve knows he can’t let Tony go on thinking he’s politely not interested…

“Tony, I'm not uncomfortable with you. I’m the opposite of uncomfortable. I just…” What can he say? There is no way to sum up all the aspects of the terrible conflict he’s feeling here. So he just says it: “I can't decide if you're the biggest mistake I could make, or the best thing I could ask for.”

“Wha- What?” Is all Tony says, before his face goes blank. Steve doesn’t know what else to say, and Tony just sits there, and doesn’t say anything for a solid minute. He thinks Tony’s brain may have actually broken, because he has never been quiet this long when he has something to say.

As the hole in the conversation made by Tony drags on, whatever was holding Steve back suddenly disappears and he’s talking again without really planning or thinking at all. All he knows is that he has to say something to get that blank look off of Tony’s face. “When I heard about the accident,” he begins, voice dropping low, “I had to come. And it wasn’t because I’m the leader of the Avengers, or because I thought you might cause an international incident… I had to come because you were hurt, and you were far away, and I needed to see you. I can’t keep ignoring this thing we’ve been doing. I can’t ignore that you are someone… I… someone I…”

Tony’s look shifts from blank shock to something akin to being star-struck as Steve talks. And suddenly Steve panics because there is still so much to say, and Tony is edging toward him.

“Tony, just please this is so much more complicated than I think we are able to deal with right now. More than you know even –”

“I know. I know” says Tony, but he’s still sliding toward Steve on his knees, and now there’s less than a foot between them.

“Tony –”

“I know, just please, let me just…”

Tony is now angling his legs over Steve’s where he sits in the sand, frozen. “Tony, I’m seeing –”

And Tony falls the rest of the way into his lap and leans in to kiss him. And for a moment Steve lets himself imagine _letting_ him, because this may be his one chance, and because in this moment he knows that even if it means the end of things with Becky, or the Avengers, or even if he can never live with himself again, he has to give himself this one moment. He already missed a dance.

But then it passes.

His lightning fast reflexes press a hand up into Tony’s chest, half on the multitude of scars there, preventing Tony from getting any closer.

 

“Someone. I’m seeing someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter borrows more heavily from the others in terms of the content of the letters in '1796 Broadway.' I figured at least some of what was written would spill out in an actual conversation, and in some cases more or less, because finding the right thing to say in the moment is very different than laboring over a letter.
> 
> And how could I not include that bit about Steve being an island in a river?! Seriously, go read '1796 Broadway'!


	4. It's Official

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of this What If? for Chapter 110: Time away from the world from '1796 Broadway,' complete with epilogue because I can't wait to see Steve and Tony actually get together in that story!

Okay, it’s official. Someone if fucking with him. Tony refuses to believe that there is a reality where Pepper Pots loves him and leaves him, and that in the same universe Captain Fucking America wants him but is apparently taken by some secret girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Tony doesn’t know who Steve is seeing. Maybe it’s an alien of unknown gender. There are no surprises left.

Tony can’t focus on what Steve is saying. Partially because he is still in his lap, and wow, yep, this universe can suck it if the only time he is ever in this position is to hear about Steve’s girlfriend. He catches the essentials: Name: Becky, smart, fun, makes Steve happy…

He’s so tired.

He wants to yell at Steve. He wants to tell him that no matter how many interesting things she has to say about the Guggenheim Abu Dhabi Art Series, he bets she doesn’t know about Steve’s tallow lamp scar, or the chocolates Steve and Bucky got sick on. She hasn’t seen him in battle, or working so hard to build himself a new family every damn day. Sure, maybe she’s seen him kidding around with Thor some Sunday morning at breakfast with his hair all messy, laughing… but she didn’t see what it’s taken to get there from hitting bags ten hours a day, thinking about the fact that every single person he once cared about is gone.

But Tony has.

Tony has been there right along with Steve in the months since the Chitauri, since The Avengers became... whatever The Avengers are. He's pretty sure he knows more about the real Steve than anyone else (anyone still living anyway...). He knows Steve. 

… And he knows that that’s not enough. He knows that Steve doesn’t deserve to be shackled with his neurotic billionaire baggage. Steve didn't deserve to see the mess he was in Japan, and sure as hell doesn't deserve the media cirus that follow's everything Tony touches.

Steve deserves a Becky.

“Tony, say something.”

Tony’s head snaps up from where it was angled down at Steve’s perfect chest. So different from his own; not one scar.

“Tony?” Steve sounds worried now, and apparently wants a response. What can he say that will convince Steve that this is okay? He probably can’t. But he can at least convince him that he understands.

He shifts and stands up, and waits for Steve to do the same.

He smiles his best smile and says: “She sounds like a hell of a girl, Cap.” He knows his eyes are bright, and he doesn’t care. He has to look at Steve in the eye and show him that he understands.

He understands that he can’t be Steve’s choice.

“I think maybe Hawaii wasn’t such a great idea after all, what do you say we grab some chocolate Macadamia nuts and catch a plane back home?”

“Tony, I don’t want you to feel like –”

 

“No, yeah, I gotcha. Hawaii’s never really been my favorite anyway. I’ll send you back here whenever you want though, bring some people, whatever.”

This is good. He can feel a weight lifting. It was never a possibility anyway.

Steve just stands there, finally nodding, with a quiet “Okay Tony.”

With that Tony nods and goes back inside to wait in his room. Steve’s going to need to shower before they go to get all the sand off from where it stuck all down his front from laying on the ground. While Steve showers and changes he orders chocolate Macadamia nuts to be served on the plane for the flight to L.A., and texts Pepper to see if she needs the second jet this week. It has two separate compartments with a private bedroom. Maybe he can manage to sleep the whole way back… or at least tell Steve he’s sleeping.

Pepper says it’s fine if Tony leaves the plane they flew to Hawaii in L.A., and that the other one will be there for them to change planes when they arrive.

 

 

 

She also texts that it’s good to hear from him.

Tony doesn’t respond, but thinks he may text her again in a week or two. With time it would be nice if they could be friends again; after all, it’s possible there’s a vacancy opening up.

The plane ride back will be fine. It will be good to try to sleep again.

He’s so tired.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Tony doesn’t say much on the way home. Steve doesn’t try to engage him much either. He needs to think. Knowing Tony feels this way, he’s not sure what it means for them, or for his relationship with Becky… but if he’s honest with himself Becky may be what he needs, but he _wants_ Tony. Nothing he’s done with Becky has meant as much to him as his almost kiss with Tony.

And he still isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He doesn’t feel any more sure than he did before coming to Hawaii. In fact he’s even more confused, because right now Tony doesn’t feel like the biggest mistake he could make, or the best thing he could ask for.

It feels like he’s both.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Epilogue**

_Four Months Later_

Steve knows that things with Becky never really got back to where they were before Hawaii. After he told her about his conversation with Tony, she said it wouldn’t change anything… but it did.

Or maybe it was Steve that changed? All he knows is that once he talked with Tony, being with Becky just wasn’t the same. Two weeks after he and Tony get back from Hawaii, they break up. Steve feels guilty, but he also knows it was for the best. Becky deserves more than to be with someone who has feelings for someone else.

Tony keeps his distance. They don’t write each other. They see each other around the tower, and Tony is always friendly, but…

Steve thought that after his break up with Becky, maybe they could normalize back into their friendship. And maybe they _could_ if they ever saw each other, but Tony keeps taking business trips away from New York. When he is home he always seems to be working. Eventually he’s on better terms with Pepper, which Steve is happy about.

One day Steve walks into the kitchen and Tony and Pepper are leaning over a Stark pad laughing, and he’s not jealous, he’s really not.

And if he turns around and doesn’t make eggs like he planned it’s not because seeing them together is a problem for him.

The problem is that he can’t remember the last time he laughed with Tony, and it’s killing him. So Steve starts writing Tony again.

Milan, Shanghai, Seattle… Tony has been traveling for months making business contacts and attending conferences. Steve writes him every day. Sometimes they are really just doodles of things going on around the tower (one especially explosive entry -- and the one that finally gets Tony to start writing him back in earnest -- is a doodle of Natasha kissing the Hulk with little hearts above their heads and the caption “Seriously, this is happening”).

Sometimes he writes about how he can’t sleep. He’s careful not to get too intense. He doesn’t want Tony to shut down when he is so far away, but slowly it starts to feel right again. Like they were before Japan. They share stories and create inside jokes and one day when Tony calls him ‘Captain Tightpants’ in retaliation to some barb of his own, Steve writes back only:

 

_When you get home, may I take you out to dinner?_

And Tony responds:

 

_I’d like that... Maybe after we can go dancing._

And they do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this! Please let me know if you see any errors or have any feedback, this is un-beta'd.
> 
> I am also curious for how this reads for people who haven't read '1796 Broadway' (and for those who have, I guess, haha!). I once again want to really thank the authors for being so open about allowing ancillary works; I love this Steve and Tony, and look forward to reading the "real" conclusion as it plays out :)


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